SO, i hurt. my mouth actually. i had my final dentist appointment yesterday in preparation for my permanent teeth which basically consisted of the dentist sticking string up under my gum line, (three times by the way) cutting off the circulation causing them to turn grey for two and a half hours. i cried like a little baby, i'm not going to lie. so it hurts. to talk, to eat, to breath. yuck.
but this pain got me thinking. as i came home from work early this morning the mister offered to take the kids out to {playwise} for part of the day. that meant i had 4 glorious hours alone in my home to sleep, catch up on blogs, work out and shower before i had to go back to work that night. i was truly grateful for the uninterrupted peace and made me quite sad at the prospect of the years to come.
see, it turns out that the mister has been assigned to go to korea. for two years. TWO YEARS. the option of course is there to bring your family but that would extend it to three years and i just can't bring myself to live in south korea for three years. and here's why:
1. it is the third most polluted country in the world. people who don't have asthma can come back with it because of the yellow dust storms that regularly hit there. wesley has asthma and i just can't take a risk of him continually being hospitalized because he can't breath. his asthma already scares the crap out of me.
2. they also use the most pesticides on their food. uh, my anal organic healthy living self can't imagine having to wash my food in bleach in order to eat it. NOOOOO THANK YOU
3. the possibility of the mister getting sent to the middle east is highly likely shortly after arriving and i don't want to be stuck in a foreign country, not know the language with three young children and not have one single friend to count on. that's just frightens me.
no, we've come to the conclusion that staying here is the best for our family. as much as it hurts to know that wesley will be nearly six, michelle seven and elise eleven by the time they see their dad again, i have a peace in my soul. i know that's from the Lord and i'm grateful for that peace. it makes it more bearable when i tell people he's leaving and they give you the "i'm so sorry" look. i just know this is the right thing to do.
as for where to live, that's another story. i feel good about staying here where i've acquired a life. i have a job, friends, a great ward. the kids have friends and a fantastic school. but i have a desire to move home to where all our family lives. i could have babysitters on hand when needed. the kids would be able to spend actual quality time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins that they've never experienced before. we could have a massive 3000 square foot house for $850 a month (no joke). it would be hot, but we would save money from never turning on any heat during the winter. i fluctuate back and forth from day to day. today i went from totally wanting to move to home to coming home from the gym after having worked my shift and doing an awesome yoga session wanting to stay here because how could i give up the gym? sigh. i just don't know what to do. i think about staying here and i feel really good about it. then, i think about moving home and i feel some-what good about it. then i think about the winters here, and how hard they are on me. could i really face another winter here, alone when i have {SAD} as bad as i did last year? would being a single parent keep me focused enough to get out of bed every morning? can i really handle being the only person taking care of my kids for two straight years? if i was home, i'd have all my family to help out. i wouldn't get {SAD} as bad because of the constant sunshine. i could take my kids to all my old stomping grounds. i know my hometown like the back of my hand. * sigh. * i just don't know what to do.
tomorrow, we are sitting down with the kids to ask them what they would like to do. we are going to write out a pros and cons list and then have a very earnest prayer to find our answer. i'm hoping we'll find one soon. until then, tell me what you would do. i need all the advice i can get. you'll give it to me right? because you're totally cool like that. thanks....
