is so very sad. lately i have found that facebook has been joyful and hurtful all rolled into one. joyful because it's been wonderful to find old friends that i haven't heard from in nearly 10 or more years and hurtful seeing how some of my friends have changed. some have become massive alcoholics, others have just turned out far different then they were expecting and last and most sad are my friends who are no longer members of my church. i have found four friends now who no longer want anything to do with the church. these were dear friends who i grew up going to activities with, who put their whole spirit into church callings, who went on missions, who were married in the temple. how can they now say that the church isn't true? how could they truly believe after sitting next to me feeling the spirit so strongly with tears in their eyes, say that they are happier and more free without the church in their life? it reminds me of the book of mormon, when just 200 years after Christ came to visit them they were back to being wicked. here we are again just 200 years after this land was once again established with righteous men and we are back to being a wicked people. satan is working so hard against the righteous, and he is succeeding more than i care to admit. we must hold on strong, to not let him bring us down. i guess it is inevitable for me to find friends who fall away. it's just that these were the people who i wasn't expecting. these were the people who i thought were more righteous then me. who got the gospel more then me.
there have been many a time when i didn't understand the teachings of my church and there have been many a time when i have been hurt by church members and betrayed by bishops. but after truly praying about my questions, and truly praying about my relationships with people within the church i have always come back with the knowledge that this is all true. there will always be things in the gospel i will never understand and there will always be people who i won't get along with but i know that this gospel is true. i have faith that one day i will come to understand all the questions i have, and i know that people will always make mistakes whether they are members of the church or not. that doesn't change the truth of the gospel. my heart utterly aches for my friends. i ache for there happiness. they say that they are so much happier now, and i hope that they are. i just know that there could've have been so much more happiness and progression for them their lives. i know that it's not my choice to make. it's theirs. and that i have no right to judge them. i'm not. i just love them. i just worry for them. i hope they will be happy. forever.
