SO, they always say that the book of mormon is for our time. written for our very generation to help us learn and grow to become better spirits and beings. every time i read it, i know that is the truth. but lately something else has struck me as written just for me to help me become the person i'm supposed to be. something i never really considered yet seems so completely obvious. i've had the urge recently to pull out my old journals and re-read them. when i do, i always seem to have forgotten what it is i wrote and the other night i had the thought that this is here for me to learn from. i need to be paying attention. Heavenly Father needed me to write those words then for me now.
i've been journal keeping since i was 13 years old. my early journals were written to my future husband. then later in high school i would alternate my journals from my future husband to my future kids. in them i would write about how i wanted to live my life when i was finally free from the horrible mess of my family. i would beg my husband to always be loving and kind, to never yell or say unkind words. and in the journals of my children i would promise to be the best mom and that i would always listen with a loving ear. after reading some of these entries i realized that i was so far from the goals i had set myself as a teenager. some goals were unrealistic, like having perfectly happy children, but others weren't such bad goals. giving my children the utmost respect and teaching them the gospel to the best of my ability are essential and yet i seem to be falling short. i get so wrapped up in the mundane of life i forget these important things. my journals were filled with such hope for a better future and happy life so how could i forget such things? while at the time i needed these journal entries to be written to my future family, they are reminders today of where i need to be progressing in this life NOW that i have the dream family i rarely thought i'd have. i never thought that journals could be used for our day, i always wrote them with the hopes of generations from now to be able to read. how amazing that i have something personal, since it was i who wrote it, that is so pertinent to me to follow and use as a guide. i'm grateful that i was wise enough in my younger years to follow my heart and write to my hearts content of my feelings, my thoughts and my hopes. i'm grateful that i was in tune with the spirit to not feel ashamed of wanting a eternal marriage even at 13 and lay dreaming of where my husband was or doing at that time. it makes my life now with my husband and family so much more of a confirmation of the rightness i was waiting for. i'm grateful i can become humble and start over and over and over to be the best wife and mother i know i need to be and i'm grateful that we are given so many chances to fix ourselves. i'm grateful that as long as i keep reaching and trying for my goals i know it will all work out in the end.
