Tuesday, August 28, 2012

where i've been...



SO, it's been a long couple weeks.  i had called my mom a few weeks back and found her in crazy condition.  she couldn't even complete a sentence while talking with me on the phone.  i got scared.  after some phone calls and her brother going over to her house, she was rushed to the ER and immediately went to the ICU.  

this was the second time she has been in the hospital, but the first for being in ICU.  i knew that this time i needed to be with her.  so i flew down and spent eight very emotional, intense days in my hometown.

seeing my mother again was surreal.  it was my mother but wasn't.  she had aged twenty years literally over night.  her skin pale, her eyes wide-eyed with question and cheekbones protruding dangerously high off her face.  in my whole life, she has never been like this before.

my mom has always been a strong, hard working woman.  she has endured raising three kids, working as a special needs assistant, recovered from being shot and never once did she ever stop. seeing my mom like this was heart breaking.  even more heart breaking?  helping your mother with a bath and washing her hair for her and your mother's eyes showing nothing but gratitude.  truly truly humbling. 

by the time i left, my mother was home and ten times better then she was when she went into the hospital.  she has a long way to go, and may never fully recover. but i am without a doubt certain my trip to be with her was one of the best decisions i've ever made.  i may have had many problems with my mother in the past and my family may have a lot of issues now, but when a crisis strikes, we gather together and fight to the end to help. and because of such crisis, it has made us work on our relationships to help them prosper and become better.  i am grateful that after all these many years, my parents are finally able to listen without judgement and talk openly about what they are feeling. and i'm thankful that i finally have enough courage to be myself without being ashamed.  it may have taken us forever, be we are getting there.