SO, i've had the flu this week. it's been pretty sucky. my mind is a continual haze and i have absolutely no clue as to what is going in the world. when i get sick, i get emotional. seriously. i found myself balling while watching the barbie thumbelina movie yesterday, which scared my children. really? thumbelina? yes. it was bad since i rationally knew this movie was just a propaganda filled tree hugging movie but i was crying all the same. and now i have an even more emotional venture to deal with. it would have made me sad even while feeling well, but now i'm just a blubbering fool. it seems wesley has abruptly weaned himself from nursing. since he has got 6 teeth in all at the same time, his favorite pass time has been biting everything, including me. i read up on all the things that should take place to discipline a nursing/biting child but he seemed to find it amusing and thought it was a game and would bite as soon as he would latch on. so i stopped and i gave him a bottle instead. he was fine, dare i say happy. it didn't seem to phase him one bit that he didn't nurse one time yesterday, or today. i think the person who is distressed by this is me. i was just expecting to nurse him longer, i was expecting wesley to have a hard time adjusting to no nipples. our history would suggest so. he didn't want anything BUT nipples for the majority of his life so far and then in one day he decided "nope, i'm done." what? i'm not ready for this. i never thought that i would love nursing my boy as much as i have. i always grew up thinking that i would never nurse my kids because i thought it would be just to weird. i didn't even really try with elise, i did try with michelle but gave up really quickly thinking pumping for eight months would be far easier (how crazy is that?) so with wesley, i was surprised that he took to nursing on the first try. i didn't have any problems with him and i loved it. i loved how close we were, i loved sleeping with him and having him nurse off and on through out the night. i loved taking a break in the middle of the day to feed him. there is something so amazing as you, yourself being able to not only grow this little person in your body, but then be able to nourish it without anything but with what you produce to feed them. and then to watch them grow healthy and strong. all from you. what an amazing gift our heavenly father has given mothers. my heart breaks that i didn't try to experience it with my first two. i'm sad that i'll never be able to nurse another child ever again. i wish i could have held onto that time for just a tad bit longer. i will miss my sweet time together with my boy. i know that i'm being irrational. i know that wesley was telling me he was ready to grow up and move on. i know that my time with him won't be diminished by this. but this was something that only wesley and i shared, it was the only thing i could give him. and i will desperately miss that. here i am getting emotional all over again. dang flu!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
weaned already?!
SO, i've had the flu this week. it's been pretty sucky. my mind is a continual haze and i have absolutely no clue as to what is going in the world. when i get sick, i get emotional. seriously. i found myself balling while watching the barbie thumbelina movie yesterday, which scared my children. really? thumbelina? yes. it was bad since i rationally knew this movie was just a propaganda filled tree hugging movie but i was crying all the same. and now i have an even more emotional venture to deal with. it would have made me sad even while feeling well, but now i'm just a blubbering fool. it seems wesley has abruptly weaned himself from nursing. since he has got 6 teeth in all at the same time, his favorite pass time has been biting everything, including me. i read up on all the things that should take place to discipline a nursing/biting child but he seemed to find it amusing and thought it was a game and would bite as soon as he would latch on. so i stopped and i gave him a bottle instead. he was fine, dare i say happy. it didn't seem to phase him one bit that he didn't nurse one time yesterday, or today. i think the person who is distressed by this is me. i was just expecting to nurse him longer, i was expecting wesley to have a hard time adjusting to no nipples. our history would suggest so. he didn't want anything BUT nipples for the majority of his life so far and then in one day he decided "nope, i'm done." what? i'm not ready for this. i never thought that i would love nursing my boy as much as i have. i always grew up thinking that i would never nurse my kids because i thought it would be just to weird. i didn't even really try with elise, i did try with michelle but gave up really quickly thinking pumping for eight months would be far easier (how crazy is that?) so with wesley, i was surprised that he took to nursing on the first try. i didn't have any problems with him and i loved it. i loved how close we were, i loved sleeping with him and having him nurse off and on through out the night. i loved taking a break in the middle of the day to feed him. there is something so amazing as you, yourself being able to not only grow this little person in your body, but then be able to nourish it without anything but with what you produce to feed them. and then to watch them grow healthy and strong. all from you. what an amazing gift our heavenly father has given mothers. my heart breaks that i didn't try to experience it with my first two. i'm sad that i'll never be able to nurse another child ever again. i wish i could have held onto that time for just a tad bit longer. i will miss my sweet time together with my boy. i know that i'm being irrational. i know that wesley was telling me he was ready to grow up and move on. i know that my time with him won't be diminished by this. but this was something that only wesley and i shared, it was the only thing i could give him. and i will desperately miss that. here i am getting emotional all over again. dang flu!
